The Myth of Being “Broken”
When a long-term relationship ends — whether it’s a marriage of 20+ years or a partnership that spanned decades — it can feel like the ground disappears beneath you. Friends say things like “you’ll be okay” or “just move on,” but inside, you may feel shattered, incomplete, or even ashamed.
I want you to know this: you are not broken. You are in transition. And transitions, no matter how painful, are where new beginnings take root.
My Own Breaking Point
I was 47 when I left my 31-year relationship. For more than three decades, my identity was tied to being a wife and mother. Walking away was empowering, but it also left me raw, uncertain, and facing a future I had never imagined.
I remember thinking: “Is this it? Have I wasted my best years?”
In that moment, I felt like all the pieces of my life were scattered across the floor. But the truth I discovered — and the truth I want you to hold onto — is that ending a chapter doesn’t mean your story is over. It means a new one is beginning.
The Hidden Cost of Believing You’re Broken
When we tell ourselves we’re “broken,” we carry shame that isn’t ours to hold. We stop ourselves from trying new things, from trusting again, from dreaming bigger.
Believing you’re broken often shows up as:
- Avoidance: Thinking, “I’ll never find love again, so why bother?”
- Self-blame: Replaying what you “should have done differently.”
- Isolation: Pulling away from friends or opportunities out of embarrassment.
- Fear of the future: Feeling frozen, unable to imagine anything better.
But here’s the truth: the end of a relationship does not define your worth. It only clears space for the person you’re becoming.
You Are Becoming, Not Breaking
Divorce or separation doesn’t erase your value. It reveals new parts of you. The grief, the fear, and the loneliness? They’re not proof you’re broken. They’re proof you’re human — and proof you loved deeply.
What feels like “falling apart” is actually the process of rebuilding:
- You shed an identity that no longer fits.
- You create space for your voice, your needs, your dreams.
- You discover resilience you didn’t know you had.
Think of it this way: you are not broken — you are becoming.
What Helped Me Rebuild
In my own journey, I didn’t just magically bounce back. It was small, intentional practices that slowly stitched me back together:
- Journaling: Every morning, I poured my fears and hopes onto paper, creating clarity from chaos.
- Affirmations: I replaced the thought “I’m broken” with “I am healing” until it became my truth.
- Fitness: Moving my body gave me strength, not just physically but emotionally.
- Friendship: Leaning on a handful of supportive people reminded me that I wasn’t alone.
- Self-kindness: For the first time, I spoke to myself as gently as I would to my own children.
None of these things fixed me overnight. But together, they created momentum. Healing isn’t one big leap — it’s hundreds of small steps.
Your Best Chapter Starts Now
Leaving a long relationship will never be easy. But it can be the gateway to a life more aligned, authentic, and joyful than you imagined.
If you’re reading this and feeling lost, please know:
- You are not broken.
- You are not behind.
- You are becoming.
Your next chapter is waiting — and it can be your best one yet.
Practical Next Steps for You
If you want to start shifting how you feel right now, try this simple exercise:
1. Write down three things you’ve lost since your relationship ended.
2. Then, write down three things this ending has made possible for you.
This small reframing can be the first step in seeing that endings create openings.