The Myth of Closure: Why Moving On Has Nothing To Do With Answers
People love to tell you that you need closure.
As if a clean ending, a final conversation, or an apology will magically free you.
Closure is treated like a gift someone else gives you:
a neat bow tied around a painful story.
But the truth is far less glamorous:
Closure is not something someone gives you.
Closure is something you choose.
Closure doesn’t arrive when they explain why they hurt you.
It arrives when you stop needing the explanation to move forward.
When my relationship ended, I obsessed over understanding:
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Why they changed
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Why I didn’t see it
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Why I wasn’t enough to fix it
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Why staying felt safer than leaving
I wanted answers because I believed answers would set me free.
I was wrong.
Answers don’t heal.
Ownership does.
I didn’t need clarity about what happened between us.
I needed clarity about what happened inside me.
The truth is, closure becomes an addiction when you’re afraid to rebuild.
You fixate on the past because the future is uncertain, lonely, unplanned.
Blame and analysis give you a temporary illusion of control.
But they keep you emotionally tethered to a story that has ended.
I remember one night, still half-married but fully abandoned, sitting on the kitchen floor with an empty glass in my hand, thinking:
“If I could just understand what went wrong, I could fix myself.”
That’s the heartbreak no one talks about:
Not losing someone —
but believing their departure proves your unworthiness.
Closure isn’t something you wait for.
Closure is the moment you stop making someone else’s actions
mean something about your value.
You don’t need closure from another human being.
You need closure from the version of yourself who tolerated so little.
Closure doesn’t look like a final conversation.
Closure looks like:
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Blocking the number you keep checking
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Stop replaying the moment they disappointed you
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Deleting the screenshots you use to validate your pain
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Letting go of the fantasy of who they could’ve been
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Accepting the reality of who they were
Closure is not an ending.
Closure is self-respect.
I spent years waiting for someone else to name my pain
so I could finally move on.
But I didn’t move on when I understood them.
I moved on when I started understanding myself.
When you stop needing closure from them,
you become available for freedom for you.
Not the dramatic kind —
the boring, courageous kind
where you slowly rebuild the parts of you that were neglected.
You begin making choices for a life that honors you,
not a life that proves you were worth keeping.
Closure isn’t a conversation.
Closure is a decision.
A decision to stop rehearsing the story.
A decision to stop romanticizing potential.
A decision to stop minimizing the cost.
A decision to stop waiting for someone else
to validate what you already know.
You don’t move on when the story makes sense.
You move on when you stop needing it to.
If you’re done waiting for closure,
and you want to feel yourself move toward the life you’re meant to build,
message THRIVE
and I’ll send you a reflection that helps you let go
without needing to get answers first.
Not because you failed —
but because you’re finally ready to rise.
The Empowerment Pathway™
Rebuild your identity, confidence, voice, and relationships — from truth, not trauma.
If you’re tired of surviving yourself, your relationships, or your patterns — and you’re finally ready to rebuild with support, structure, and self-respect, The Empowerment Pathway™ exists for you.
If you want to explore whether The Empowerment Pathway™ is right for you, message PROGRAM and I’ll send you the full overview, structure, and pathway to begin.
When the life you’ve been living no longer fits, it’s not a failure — it’s an invitation. Message PROGRAM to step into the version of you who’s been waiting.